Semi-annual Depression

Oh life. The heat from summer sucks most of the life and energy out of me. Add the weeks in the summer where it is not only hot but humid as well and I am a worthless lump of a person. Every year I think it won't be as bad and I will be able to get through it with some sort of semblance of a clean house, kids that have been fed meals that weren't purchased at a drive thru and all sorts of fun or productivity having occurred. Well, summer does hit and I do get tired and my house gets progressively messier with more clutter. My kids become friends with the employees at Little Caesars and Quinn ends up being the one taking the kids to the park or pool. During that time I like to sleep. And sleep. And sleep. That sounds nice you might think. It is nice every once in a while but when you want to do things it gets kind of frustrating. After several weeks frustration turns to depression. It usually doesn't last that long. I have to have a good cry about it and then start to move forward. The thing is, I have recollections of times in the Fall where I have felt like I had so much energy and I could do whatever I wanted. I remember that, but at the moment it seems incomprehensible. Will I really have energy again someday to do more than just exist?

Because I have no energy I haven't been exercising at all. Because I am kind of bummed I have been eating whatever soothes my sadness. Put those together and I have put on some weight. Now all my capris are just a little too tight. More sadness. One day at my low point I went out for what I had dubbed some Summer Sympathy Shorts (I was really looking for capris but the alliteration wasn't there for that). I couldn't even find any that day. I did find some a few days later and that helped a little. I am embracing my out of shape, lazy, self indulgent self for a few more weeks. As the weather cools I intend to get back into some sort of exercise and cut off most of my indulgences.

My depression has mostly passed. It is usually short lived. Now I hope I can hang on until the end of February. That is usually when the other semi-annual depression hits. My body does better in the cooler weather energy wise. However, the medication I take suppresses my immune system and so if I catch anything my body just can't kick it. There has been a winter where I was sick off and on for 4 months. A good day... a bad day. I think I am getting better... nope. Sick again. After a few months of that I usually go through a similar depression that this is. I just get so fed up with my body not working as it should.

On the positive. I have MS. That is a fact. Considering the crazy things that could be going on with me, I will take fatigue any day. I really am grateful that for the past 5 years there hasn't been progression in the disease for me. Sometimes when I am feeling down I will be teary eyed and tell Quinn... I have problems. He just looks at me with sympathy and says, I know. I have a wonderful husband who supports me. He watches after the kids while I hibernate all summer. I have kids who are growing up understanding that mommy is sick sometimes and needs to sleep. Sometimes this makes me sad, but they are good boys. Hopefully this will help them learn to be more sensitive. Despite it all, I'll take my life over many others any day.